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I miss blogging, I must say. The camaraderie, the bullshit sharing, awareness that I am not the only one to know there are some real fucking winners out there. I also like the fact that there are others out there who appreciate my pain that I mask with humor. There is nothing like calling someone as ass basket because you hurt. Ha ha, I love it. This past year has done nothing for me, or should I say I have done nothing this past year except whine, eat, eat some more and then whine because I ate too much. I have written too many poems that get good reviews but are so dark I think only vampires should read them. I have written a book and I did get it published but as I am a nobody, it has sold only 5 copies and I am the idiot who bought those! I have 4 short stories under my belt and another book in the process. I do my homework which sucks ass because I have not been in school in about 75 years and I write for another blog about things on a more serious level, like "Is God Okay With Gays?" Really serious shit ya know? I miss all my friends in the blogging world and my being a seriously depressed wad of I don't know what is what keeps me a prisoner in my own home. A job? What the hell is that?
This is what it was like for me one year ago. Very dark, but one of my faves. I hope you do not mind that I share this with you.
You live in hell
In your mind
Tortured, burning,
The pain is real
To you and only you
But to others no
Understanding is
There to feel
To know
To live
The hell in your mind
Walking through the quagmire
Of guilt, drowning in tears
Knowing those souls who tear at your mind
Are not real, but in the tattoos of your heart they
Are what you caused the pain in your being, trying to
Cut them away, but after the cleansing they remain.
Pulling at your limbs they want to succeed
In the madness you feel just at bay, waiting and watching
For that slip, that trip that is always just around the corner, the deep recesses of the twisted threads in your mind.
Not your typical old woman,
Ettarose
Monday, March 14, 2011
Am I Deranged or Just Another Psychotic Blogger?
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5 comments:
Well I miss you something awful. I love your dark sense of humor, and I can laugh at an ass bucket with the best of them. Just saying.
Have a terrific day. Super big hug. :)
And yet you have achieved so much in this time. I can point to nothing. Your poem makes me think.
This extra long, dark winter, I wrote a 98,000 manuscript that is still at an agent's. Of course it will be rejected, but after I realized that the writing was cathartic, and I was finished...sadly the darkness got to me and I had a nervous breakdown.
The outcome? I told the doctor to drug me up enough to get the hell out of Indiana and get to Florida.
I was SO scared and full of dread, going back to just wait for a day of shinshine, that in three hours, I bought a house, went straight home and called a moving van.
I'm now where the sun shines every day, and the gloomy thoughts aren't so gloomy now.
But I understand. TOTALLY.
I really do feel your pain. For it is not so dissimilar from my own. Oh how it would just end.
I must say, you’ve got one of the best blogs I’ve seen in a long time. What I wouldn’t give to be able to create a blog that as interesting as this. I guess Ill just have to keep reading yours and hope that one day I can write on a subject with as much knowledge as you’ve got on this one!
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