Sanity on Edge

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My Christmas Poem

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ward,
all the patients were stirring cuz Steve had his sword.
Susie was screaming from her chair were she was strapped,
and Tony was telling where he thinks he had crapped.
The IV’s were hung from all the beds with great care,
in the hopes that St Nick would soon appear.

When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
Phil just fell down while dancing, his teeth they did shatter,
all the while he had thought he was one of the Platters.
Through the window we saw from the light of the moon,
what appeared to be St nick, was it one of us loons?

A nurse all in red stood in our doorways smiling,
We stopped in our tracks, no more were we bailing
We knew who this was, and we came out of hiding.

When it was over we thought we all heard
These words as she ran down the big empty hall
On Haldol, on Lithium, Xanax, and Neurontin,
On Valium, Lexapro, Paxil and Wellbutrin,
dash away, dash away, dash away all.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a drugged night.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Soothing Sunday 14

Christmas is almost upon us and on this edition of Soothing Sunday I would like to set aside all the jokes I make about the little town I live in and show you one of the best things about where I live. Yes, I know these are country people on tractors, but the sense of community is so wonderful. This teeny tiny little town gets visitors from as far away as New Jersey, ( far right? Hahah), and everyone has the spirit of Christmas and there is tons of candy thrown to all the kids and I don’t think, no I know, you will never enjoy a parade as much as what we have every year. Enjoy my home town Christmas parade.

Friday, December 11, 2009

And The Winner Is............

I thought the picture would have gotten some good "waterboarding" captions. That's all right, the ones you all turned in were very good, so good that I had to have someone pick a number and that was the winner. This week's winner was Nooter, for his craption ;

"Contestants line up for tryouts for the Cleveland browns cheerleading squad." Congratulations Nooter, you are a great doggy.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

When It Rains, Someone Gets Shit On

I find that when it rains it usually pours. It seems like when you get one thing fixed or healed or paid, something else comes along. Life sucks like that sometimes doesn’t it? I have always heard that death comes in threes, and I think the curve balls that life throws at you comes in threes also, except life does not let up for long.
After the flu hit two of my kids and my husband being unable to walk, now I have an impacted tooth and feel like a Chipmunk. If Nooter saw me he would chase me into the woods thinking I was a varmint after his snaks.

I guess I should put an ice pack on my face, maybe it will help with the swelling until I make it into the dentist. I hope no one used my ice pack and you may ask why.
My icepack is turkey gravy. Yeppirs! It came in the turkey last year and when one of the kids had a bruise or lump or something we used the turkey gravy, because someone bit a hole in my regular ice pack. I like it much better than a bag of frozen peas.
I very much dislike the dentist and I do not want to go. It is the worst pain in the world, even worse than having a child. Who knew my wallet would scream louder than me when I walk into the dentist’s office. It is cheaper to have a baby than have a damn root canal for cripes sake! Even with insurance it will cost about three hundred dollars to have a tooth pulled and a cleaning done. I wonder if I should get dentures? How bad could they be? You would not have to worry about get an impacted tooth, or needing a root canal now would you?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Craption Wednesday

I found some good pictures while trolling on Tuesday. This one has so much potential, don't you think? Have fun and check back Saturday to see who will win the coveted golden pile of crap. Don't forget to stop in at these fine blogs for some more caption fun.

nonamedufus
Me-Me King
Kirsten
The Old Silly
(Remember, the old silly is on Thursday)

Trolling Tuesday

I had so much fun looking at all the strange things on the Internet this week. Once again it makes me realize how normal if not downright boring I am. I have many things to show you today. A few odd stories for your amusement also.

I missed out on the whole college hoopla and I used to think I missed out on a very important rite of passage into adulthood (not to mention some great parties.) Now with all the stories I have been hearing about hazing and the self esteem lowering acts the plebes have to go through I am glad I missed it. I think jail would be a lonely place unless I pal'd around with Mona. It seems the University of Nebraska suspended Sigma Chi fraternity after unsealed documents detailed alleged hazing incidents, including one where a stripper "invaded and penetrated" a pledges anus with a vibrator while he was blindfolded and handcuffed. The victim says the stripper did it even when he said, "stop" and "don't." It was also revealed that alcohol, which is forbidden on campus grounds was found in the sorority house as well as evidence of funds to buy the alcohol and the fact that it was provided to minors. Local Sigma Chi President Francis Acott referred any questions to the fraternity's lawyer, Bob Creager of Lincoln, who of course could not be reached. Acott said UNL leaders are "most disappointed" by the allegations and "at the same time, he said, I'm hoping that the entire Greek system doesn't get painted with the same brush because of this incident."

All I have to say is one word, Greek! I'm just sayin.

According to authorities in Port St. Lucie, 25-year-old Daniel Boss and his wife started having a row on Thursday night. Things turned ugly when his wife poured soda over Boss's hamburger - prompting him to retaliate by rubbing the burger in her face and throwing other food at her. Boss then left, but his wife went to the police station to report the burger attack. He was arrested a few hours later on a charge of misdemeanor domestic battery.
Personally I think he should have been charges with burgery

Oluwakele Ogundele told a court that her husband Oluwafemi was a drunkard who abandoned all toilet etiquette and relieved himself on her plates and pots.

Do not, I repeat do not, open the lid

Ms Ogundele said she no longer loved her husband and he failed to provide for the family as well as increasing the dishes workrate. Mr Ogundele denied the alcohol allegations but admitted the love was lost.
I think he was just going by the old adage" A pot to shit in and a window to throw it out of."

Now for a few picturres worth sharing.

If this was a real cat I would keep it as self defense.

I love earrings but would you wear squirrel feet?

Perfect for finger foods.

These next pictures I loved. I love, love, love fingernails and I love to design my own, so these were just what I need for some inspiration.

Hello Kitty

Black Lace

Oh, to be able to do this with nails would be so awesome.

A little jewelry for your Sunday go to church clothes?

That concludes my finds this week. Stay tuned for more of my Tuesday trolling finds.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Yes, I Am Still Here

Well, I guess I will dig my heels in and pull, pull my head out of my ass. If you hear a big popping sound it is just the vacuum left after vacating the South hole. This has been a very hectic time for my family and I thought about stopping this silly blog for a while, but I am not going to. No, I thought I would do the removal process and just keep plugging along. There has been illness after illness and soccer tournaments and now wrestling and all sorts of things that everyone else goes through, and I have had enough. So I refuse to take it anymore. I am going back to being the sweet bitch I know how to be and let me tell you at this time of year there is more and more reason to sweeten up.

One thing I found out is that my children's teacher is on a calendar. I was shocked to say the least. I see her all the time at school and I am sorry, but I get a mental picture and I just shudder. Is that a good thing? I mean about her being on a calendar? I hope the kids do not want to get her a gift because what do you get someone when you know this about her?

Yes this really is one of the children's teachers.

I know, I will get her a McDonalds gift certificate. Several of them.

Speaking of calendars I am trying to lose weight. I have not said anything because there is nothing worse than telling people you are on a diet when they mention you look a little heavier. I am having problems though. I cannot seem to find a diet that will do the best for me. Exercise is out of the question because, let’s face it. That shit just is not any fun. So I am on the look out for a diet where I can eat right while sitting on my ass. If anyone knows of any let me know. Short of shoving the food directly up my ass I cannot think of anything. I do know if I do not get some of the side meat to go away my husband may just grab the can of Crisco and go for a new spot. Of course I can always go model for calendars right?